Monday, August 19, 2013

Porno Fantasy

I spent some quality time last weekend masturbating.  This is because I have a new crush.  On someone I don’t really know.  Well, I feel like I know him, in fact I feel like I know him intimately.  Through his work.  Hint: It’s not Ryan Gosling.  Answer: It’s James Deen.  And no, I’m not spelling his name wrong, because I’m not talking about deceased black and white 1950s film star James Dean, I’m talking about the porn star James Deen.  


Maybe James Deen is old news to a lot of you but, believe it or not, I’m not a porn connoisseur.  At least not an up to date one.  I’m quite familiar with the work of Jenna Jameson, Janine with the tats, and that hilarious guy with long blond hair and an enormous upward turned cock who is the star of Pirates and Dreamquest and like every big budget porno movie ever. 

I first heard the name at a dinner party like a week ago when I was gathered in the kitchen with a couple girlfriends (we’ll call them Friend A and Friend B) talking about our sexual fantasies and masturbation preferences.  I couldn’t believe we had never shared this information before, some of it was too good.  Friend A told me she loves masturbating in the car, especially on long road trips when she’s driving!  Talk about multi-tasking!  I guess it’s safer than texting while driving because you don’t have to look down while you’re playing with yourself.  Both friends shared about their ability to give themselves multiple orgasms at a very young age.  I couldn’t believe this – I never had an orgasm until I had sex, and even now they’re not multiple!  They were shocked to learn that I always come from sex alone whereas they need some kind of oral or digital stimulation.  From this we deduced that how a woman orgasms probably has to do with how she learned to orgasm for the first time.  Friend B then gave us a visual demonstration of the position she needs to be in to stimulate the G-spot when she’s getting fucked laying face down on the kitchen table.

We started to talk about fantasy.  I admitted that I fantasize a lot during sex.  If I’m not getting there, I close my eyes and a fantasy plays out in my head in which a man in a corporate office is lusting for his big-titted secretary.  He coerces her into letting him eat her out from behind, but gets a raging boner and has to hurriedly put it in and fuck her fast before his next meeting.  She tells him not to come inside her and he grabs her tits and can’t help himself.  Such a male fantasy, I know.  The hot secretary, I mean COME ON!  My girlfriends also admitted to fantasizing during sex, but we all shared this with guilty expressions on our faces, not meaning to imply we had to fantasize because we didn’t enjoy sex with our partners, quickly covering with “I prefer not to, it takes me out of the moment.” 

Then, we started talking porn.  I like the “romantic” stuff on YouPorn’s X-Art contingent, where people look like they’re actually couples, and the women have real boobs and apparently real orgasms (who can tell the difference??).  Friend B likes this conference room video where the girl is obviously faking her moans and bored out of her mind and the guy is this big hairy ape-man who groans loudly.  We all agreed that porn in which you see the guys’ faces and they’re making noises and apparently enjoying themselves is the hottest.

At this moment, a cute Southern Boy my friend works with wandered into the kitchen and joined the conversation, looking very pleased and amused to find a bunch of chicks talking about porn and masturbation.  This is when I first heard the name James Deen.  Southern Boy mentioned this “real” movie coming out called The Canyons with Lindsay Lohan.  I had heard of the movie but wasn’t really that interested.  My girlfriends hadn’t heard of James Deen either, and Southern Boy was not very forthcoming with the deets. 


The next day, I was on the phone with a Friend C, again talking about porn and fantasies (my mind is constantly in the gutter).  She was telling me about how she recently realized what she consistently searches for on porn websites and that it’s a little embarrassing and difficult to admit to herself.
“I like gang bangs.  With like one chick and a bunch of dudes.”  I burst out laughing. How have we never talked about this??
“My favorite part is at the end when all the dudes come on her face.”  I’m dying with laughter. 
“I also love squirting.  I think it’s fucking hot.”  I pee a little in my pants.
Then she asks me a life changing question.
“Do you know James Deen?”
“No.  I mean, I’ve heard of him.”
“Dude, check out James Deen.”
I immediately Google Image Search him.  Oh yeah, he’s cute.  Kinda my type.  Beautiful blue eyes, sly smile, nice-looking Jewish boy.  He looks like a guy I’d pick up in a bar.
I want to talk more but I’m meeting another friend for a hike.
She immediately sends me a link to this video entitled Nicole Ray and James Deen: Passionate Fucking.
“Have fun on your hike,” she says.  We hang up.
Well, now all I want to do is watch this video, but I’m due for my other friend, so I decide this will be my treat at the end of the hike.

Later, I sit back down at my computer.  The video is 34 minutes and 38 seconds.  I watch the whole entire thing without stopping.  And by god do I masturbate.  James Deen is the most unbelievable lover I have ever seen.  He is attentive and sensual and decisive.  He makes this girl Nicole Ray come in every single position.  I count 7 orgasms.  A special prize to someone who finds more!  The way he squeezes her breasts and hips and whispers into her mouth, the look on his face as he watches her come, basking in her pleasure, is utterly intoxicating.  I don’t care if they’re acting – if they are, it’s fucking good acting.  James Deen is loving this girl so hard, loving every inch of her body, he is getting so much pleasure out of pleasuring her.  I want some of that.

I am not the only girl who is in love with James Deen, nor the only one who reads his blog or follows him on Twitter.  It’s clear on his blog that he’s like a totally normal guy who just happens to be a porn star.  On Twitter, he likes to talk about his cat.  He also shoots his own porn scenes.  On his website, you can apply to shoot a scene with him.  It looks like he invites a girl over, sets up a camera, fucks her, and edits the footage himself.  Yeah, I thought about it.  90% of the comments on his blog are from women doting on him.  This is interesting to me because I never realized so many women watch porn.  I think more do now that James Deen is a star.  Young women too.  My friend sent me this great profile that Wells Tower did for GQ.  According to Tower, Deen appeals to a similar demographic as Justin Bieber and Justin Timberlake – you might say I’m a little old for this demographic; I say, stop judging me! 

Although some might find it disturbing that 16 year old girls are watching and responding to porn, I find it kind of great that there’s porn like this available to young people on the internet.  Because we all know kids are watching it whether it’s teaching them well or not.  This is where they’re learning about sex, and I’d personally rather they learn from James Deen than, let’s say Ron Jeremy.  I hope young boys are watching him and taking notes. 


As an on-the-market single gal in Los Angeles, I’ve had my fair share of experimentation with what’s available on the male market.  And it’s quite frankly dubious.  Apparently a lot of these guys learned about sex from the kind of porn in which girls don’t have orgasms and guys get lots of blow jobs.  I had sex with this guy once who literally came three times while I never came once and kept pushing me down towards his crotch, expecting oodles and oodles of blow jobs.  A legitimate question for you to ask right now would be: why would you go to bed with someone like this?  The answer is a little embarrassing and certainly na├»ve: I was horny and kept expecting more from him.  James Deen fulfills my fantasy that there’s a guy out there who’s willing and able to have casual sex and make it great for me.  That I can find a nice looking Jewish boy who has the confidence and skill to deliver what I want in the bedroom.  I am apparently not the only girl with this fantasy, because James Deen has a ridiculous fanbase.  So, I hope the next generation of single males are learning how to "love" from porn stars like James Deen, because we deserve better.

I’m trying to convince my ex to do porn.  I know, you’re probably thinking, hasn’t he taken enough abuse?  First you write all this private shit about him in your blog and now this!  Maybe I’m just hoping for more of the James Deen breed of porn star, and I’m taking matters into my own hands.  I mean, according to Tower, a third of the porn audience is now female so there’s certainly a market for it!  Apparently, before James Deen was famous, he heard Jenna Jameson on the radio giving this advice to a man wanting to get into porn: if you can sit in a room with 20 people, jerk off for an hour, stay hard, and come on command, you can do porn.  I called my ex right away.
“You could totally do that!  I think your porn name should be Willy Wanker.”
His retort: “How about Henry Hardon?”

5 comments:

  1. Porn is such an individual pleasure. When I was younger, porn was fairly relegated to the VHS video stores. When my guy friends would watch, I could never really understand the point. Frankly, I always thought that I’d much rather actually be doing “it” than watching it. Or a friend would have the all too rare import from Germany or Japan that had some of the most crazy and insane things I had ever watched people do to one another. I found myself at least aware that people could damn near do ANYTHING short of murdering one another and get aroused by it. Then porn finally hit the internet. I felt more traumatized by seeing some videos than turned on. I’m sure everyone remembers the first time someone introduced you to “Two Girls, One Cup”…but I digress. For me, I guess I can’t really get into porn so much because I just don’t have that kind of free time but and I think they spend too much time on the obligatories. By obligatories I mean first he or she has to go down on the other for a while, then they have to find a position to fuck in, then they progress into every possible position to fuck in and then the guy finally pulls out and shoots his load all over her face, tits, or ass. I get so bored with the same formulaic thing that I find porn completely boring. What I learned that astonished me most of all though is that…I like gay porn. Perhaps it is because I don’t like it and therefore I equate my personal feelings toward it with those I am watching but with men? Well that is just their man pussy so to me, that is my justification. I will either watch snippets of straight porn where a man is balls deep in a woman or gay porn and these just seem to be the types of things that turn me on when it comes down to it. Perhaps this explains both why I like girls and gay porn both. Whatever the case, discussing my porno likes with others can be a bit awkward, well, not so much if I am talking about it with other girls, but my straight guy friends seem completely revolted when I tell them I like gay porn. That’s just it though; everyone is different when it comes to being turned on through voyeurism.
    I’m not a huge porn person but I like what I like when I watch it. The most common complaint that I hear from women when it comes to porn is akin to what I mentioned earlier in that it is created by and for men. I hear women all the time tell me that they wish women would direct porn for women because we want to see the softer, more sensual side of love-making rather than “fucking” or just wailing away with the obligatory “cum (money) shot” at the end. Shit, wouldn’t guys just freak if a guy actually came inside a women at the end. Women on the other hand would probably applaud it. I do think that there is a huge wide open market for “women’s porn”. Perhaps a kinder, gentler, porn that is more sensual in nature that feels less objectifying to them. Perhaps we’ll see a drift towards it eventually as more and more women admit to and come around to watching more of it.

    Personally, for all of the things that porn brings to the table, I kind of look at it like this: One late night at film school we were checking out gear and the professor had gone way over on time and it was now upwards of 11pm and we all just wanted to get the fuck out of there. One of the guys in my class said, “This is really starting to cut into my porn time”. Everyone giggles and as I was one of the few women there he asked me if it was cutting into my porn time too. I sweetly smiled and pointed out to him that, “Porn is for people who aren’t actually getting any so they have something to do”, to which everyone congratulated me on the proper “burn” of the guy, though he raised an eyebrow and basically conquered.

    Moral of the story…porn is fine and all, but I’d much rather actually be doing it. And if I am doing it with the right person, I don’t need to fantasize about anyone or anything else. I’m too busy enjoying the bliss that is “the moment”. Truth in living in the moment trumps cyber hump any day.

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  2. sadly comments can only be 4096 characters. The last comment was terribly abridged and therefore only part of the comment got published so makes very little sense now. Full version was way better since it actually discussed much more in depth.

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  3. Thank you so much for your honesty and boldness! I'm fascinated to hear from other women about their feelings re: porn because I feel like it's something we don't always talk about. So I guess James Deen doesn't really do it for you then, huh?

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  4. Replies
    1. Thank you! Hopefully I'm bold and I try to be honest :-)

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